The One Question That Will Change Every “Yes” You Give
I used to say yes out of guilt.
Not because I wanted to. Not because it fit my life. But because I didn’t want to disappoint anyone, I didn’t want to miss out, and somewhere along the way I’d convinced myself that someone else’s opportunity was automatically my obligation.
Sound familiar?
On a recent episode of The Other 99% podcast, Lisa Duck and I dug into something I’ve been teaching inside The Intentional Life Workbook — a tool I call the alignment filter. And honestly, it might be the single most freeing concept I’ve ever put into a worksheet.
The trick that stops the instant “yes”
Here’s something I started doing years ago that changed everything: when someone asks me to do something, I pretend it’s happening tomorrow.
We’re all guilty of it — someone asks for a favor, a collaboration, a commitment a month out, and it feels easy to say yes because it’s future you’s problem. But as the date creeps closer, the dread creeps in too. By the time the day arrives, you’re asking yourself why on earth you agreed in the first place.
So now, before I answer, I ask myself: if this were happening tomorrow, how would I feel? That one mental shift has become my checkpoint for what I joyfully say yes to — and what I confidently let go of.
Why we say yes when we mean no
If I’m honest, most of my “yeses” used to come from the same handful of fears:
- I didn’t want to disappoint someone.
- I was afraid of missing out on the next big thing.
- I didn’t trust myself enough to just say no.
As direct sellers, this shows up constantly — a new training, a new platform, a new trend everyone swears you need to be on. Without something to measure those opportunities against, everything starts to feel equally urgent and equally important. It isn’t.
The alignment filter: your permission to choose
This is exactly why the second module of The Intentional Life Workbook walks you through building your own mission, vision, and values — written out clearly, on one page, so you can hold every new opportunity up against it.
When something doesn’t align with that page? You don’t owe anyone an explanation. You simply say, “I’m not the right person for this,” and you mean it.
I learned this the hard way. In 2018, I walked away from a career as a speech therapist — six years of college, multiple degrees, real financial stability — because it didn’t align with my mission of being present for my family. Leaving looked like the wrong move on paper, but it has never once felt that way in my heart. My kids are 18 and 20 now, and I have zero regrets about the elementary school, middle school and high school years I got to be present for.
That’s the power of knowing your filter before life asks you to choose.
A gut check for every role you’re carrying right now
Here’s your homework, straight from the episode: think about the roles, commitments, and “yeses” currently filling your calendar, and ask yourself —
Would I choose this again today?
If the honest answer is no, that’s information. It doesn’t mean you’re failing. It means something in your life is asking to be re-evaluated through your filter.
And here’s the good news: saying no to something doesn’t leave a hole. It makes space. When I finally let go of chasing recruitment numbers in my own direct sales business, it felt like a weight lifted — and what filled that space instead was something I’d been wanting to start for years: a monthly Bunco group that’s now become one of the most life-giving parts of my month.
Your no isn’t a closed door. It’s a yes for someone — or something — else.
Ready to find your own filter?
Building your mission, vision, and values isn’t a five-minute exercise, and it shouldn’t be. It’s the foundation everything else gets measured against — which trainings to take, which collaborations to accept, which roles to keep, and which ones to release with zero guilt.
If you’re ready to stop saying yes out of obligation and start saying yes (and no) with clarity, grab Module 1 of The Intentional Life Workbook for free. It’s the first step toward building your own alignment filter.
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