Stop Opening Other People’s Doors

There’s an image that’s been living rent-free in my head for weeks now.

Picture yourself in a long hallway lined with doors. Dozens of them. Maybe hundreds. Some of those doors are meant for you. They’re perfectly aligned with who you are, what you value, and where you’re headed. But here’s the thing—some of those doors are absolutely not for you. They belong to someone else.

And here’s where most of us get stuck: we think that saying yes to every door that opens is how we “have it all.”

I used to believe that too.

The Myth of Having It All

Let’s talk about the lie we’ve been told: that success means saying yes to everything. That if we’re not doing it all, managing it all, and somehow looking perfect while we do it, we’re failing.

I see it on social media constantly. We scroll past these polished images of influencers and celebrities who look like they’ve got it all figured out. Perfect hair, glowing skin, the ideal life. And we think, Well, if they can do it, so can I.

But here’s what we don’t see: the hair crew, the makeup team, the personal trainer, the personal chef, the doctor on speed dial. Their full-time job is to look good. That’s literally their entire career. And even then? It’s exhausting.

Yet we’re comparing our behind-the-scenes to their highlight reel.

We’re feeling like failures because we can’t do everything while working, raising kids, managing a household, and building a business. But let me ask you something: who can? No one, friend. That’s not a character flaw. That’s reality.

The Season You’re In Right Now

I had a conversation recently with Lisa on The Other 99% Podcast that really stuck with me. I asked her, “What could you let go of to do more of something else?”

And she said, jokingly, “Sleep.”

But she wasn’t really joking. She’s at that burnout threshold where she feels like she can’t say no to anything. She’s thinking, If I just push through to the next tier, then I can start saying no. Then I’ll have breathing room.

I get it. I’ve been there.

But here’s what I want you to know: your life is happening right now. Not after you hit the next rank. Not after you reach the next income goal. Not after you’ve “made it.” It’s happening today, in whatever season you’re in.

When my kids were little, I was in an incredibly busy season. Toddlers, school pickups, evening events, weekend parties—there wasn’t much margin in my life for myself. But I knew it was a season, not forever. A few years, maybe a decade, but not permanent.

Now that my kids are adults, I’m in a completely different season. My mission and values haven’t changed, but how I structure my time? That’s totally different.

Your values stay the same. But how you live them out needs to shift with the season you’re in.

My Story: Choosing the Door That Scared Me

I want to tell you about a door I said yes to that absolutely terrified me.

I’d just graduated from graduate school—six years of study that my parents generously paid for. I had a great job as a speech therapist. Stability. Steady paycheck. Benefits. Everything you’re “supposed” to want at that stage of your career.

Then Mark and I were asked to be missionaries in Mexico for a year. Just… give it all up. Leave our apartment, our cars, our jobs, our life as we knew it.

My dad’s response? “What about your 401k? What about your retirement fund?”

Then I found out I was pregnant. Three months along.

My dad’s reaction was basically, “Surely you’re not still going to Mexico.”

But Mark said something I’ll never forget: “I’m pretty sure Mexican women have babies every day in Mexico. We’re still going.”

So we went.

And you know what? My daughter Emma was born there. She has dual citizenship. We built friendships with people we still keep in touch with two decades later. We created memories that defined who we are as a family.

If I had said no to that door because it was scary, because it wasn’t “practical,” because it didn’t fit the traditional path… I would have missed one of the most beautiful years of my life.

Thriving in your intentional life doesn’t mean doing more. It means saying yes to the right things—even when they scare you—and saying no to everything else.

What Does Thriving Actually Look Like?

Here’s what thriving isn’t: it’s not hitting a certain salary, reaching a certain rank, recruiting a certain number of people, or getting a certain award.

Thriving is this: living the life you always wanted to live, aligned with your values, your family, your vision for what matters.

And it looks completely different for every single person.

For me, thriving looked like taking my kids to school every day and picking them up in the afternoon. When I transitioned into direct sales, that became possible. I wasn’t working a traditional 8-to-5 job that robbed me of those moments. I could build a business that fit into my life instead of my life fitting into a business.

Did we sacrifice some things? Absolutely. We weren’t taking fancy vacations or buying everything we wanted. But I got something infinitely more valuable: my kids’ childhood.

I look back and I’m so grateful for that. Success for me wasn’t a trophy or a recognition award. Success was being present.

The Power of Margins

My husband once preached about margins, and it completely changed how I think about saying yes and no.

Think about a piece of paper with no margins. Words run from edge to edge. There’s no white space. Graphics and text are crammed everywhere.

When you look at it, you feel overwhelmed. Paralyzed. You don’t know where to start. Everything blends together.

But when you create good margins? When you leave white space? Suddenly you can see what matters. You can breathe. And when a new opportunity comes along, you have the capacity to say yes to it.

The bigger your margins, the better. Because those margins give you the freedom to be intentional with your yeses.

The Filter That Changes Everything

So how do you know which doors to open? How do you decide which opportunities are yours and which ones belong to someone else?

You need a filter.

That’s what my Intentional Life Workbook is all about. It walks you through an audit of every single role and responsibility you have:

Does this belong in my life?
Does it stay or does it go?
Does it align with my mission?
Does it support my vision?
Is it something I value?

When you work through that filter, everything becomes clear. And here’s the beautiful part: once you know your filter, you don’t feel guilty saying no anymore.

Because when you say no to something that isn’t yours, you’re saying yes to the person it is for. You’re clearing the path for someone else to step into their calling. You’re not being selfish—you’re being wise.

And wisdom says: “Some doors are for me. Some doors are not for me. And I have no business opening doors that belong to someone else.”

What I Want for You

I want you to stop exhausting yourself trying to have it all. I want you to stop comparing your reality to someone else’s curated image. I want you to stop feeling guilty for saying no.

I want you to get clear on your mission. Your vision. Your values.

I want you to create margins in your life so you have room to breathe, room to show up for the people you love, and room to say yes to the opportunities that are actually meant for you.

Most importantly, I want you to stop waiting for the next season to start living intentionally. The season you’re in right now? That’s where your life is happening.

Ready to Get Clear on Your Intentional Life?

If you’re feeling overwhelmed by all the doors, all the yeses, all the guilt about saying no, I created something for you.

Start with the free Intentional Life Starter Guide. It’s a great introduction to the Life Inventory exercise and will help you start thinking about what’s actually yours to do.

If you’re ready to go deeper and do a complete audit of your life, roles, and responsibilities—and create your own filter for making decisions—grab the full Intentional Life Workbook. It’ll walk you through everything step by step.

Because thriving doesn’t happen by accident. It happens when you get intentional about which doors you walk through.

Your turn: What’s one door you’ve been holding open that you need to close? What’s one door that scares you that you need to open? Drop a comment and let me know.

And if you know someone who needs to hear this message—someone who’s exhausted from trying to do it all—share this post with her. 💕

Catch the full episode of The Other 99% Podcast mini-series about intentional living.